I love me now

I know how the world sees me too smart for her own good and 

she ain't even trying. 

Deciding they know me well enough to judge. 

Not knowing the fears 

they think they know me 

Telling the world I'm not a top ten. 

The rumors they think are true aren't,

 but the truth they hear isn't believable.

 Hard to see what's in front of you if you insist on putting other things in front of it.

 Everyone had this idea of me 

and I fell short of every image. 

Not understanding their idolatrous desires caged me in pain.  

The failure of not living up to everyone else standards 

imagined and spoken 

hmmph to realize at this age 

I still haven't lived for me its pathetic. 

The small pieces I did take for myself I was judged

 and 

found guilty for

 and if you had been in my skin you would have done it too.

 Those small bursts of happiness were worth it cuz everyone around me made me miserable.

So if I was miserable occasionally because of the happy bursts I figured it was worth it. 

No one wanted to talk to me really

 every word out my  mouth  sounded like school to them.

 So dumb my self down check.

 Keep dropping your education to care for other people check

 but be grateful you get to care for them check. 

Be grateful for the negative talks about your intelligence, looks, walk

 and manner of speech

 cuz hey we love you check…

Now I'm standing up for me. 

Now I'm declaring see me as 

I've always said I was

 and 

accept it or get the fuck on. 

Wonder why I'm sick less cuz I'm not around you. 

Surrounded by people who honestly hated me wonder why I wasn't whole 

why something was up. 

 Not letting your life issues eat me up cuz I feel I should make your life easier no longer my job.

If I'm here for you I'll go balls in, but no longer at the cost of me.