who

Who is your folks?

What really shocks me is all the people in my life that was "there" for me still acted unaware of me. 

I dimmed my light so they wouldn't catch fright.

 I stepped back and let them be the first act. Funny even when i played second fiddle they got upset if someone noticed my face in the middle.

 Occasionally Id let myself shine but then they would begin to whine.

 I even tried to gain praise with my hustle and grind, but apparently it wasnt part of their plans so I had to rewind.

 Living for another's love and approval will slowly cause a removal of all you was destined to be. 

Realizing I was losing myself  in playing the role each relationship required I turned around told them all  dont worry I know I'm fired. 

I quit the connections and emotional jobs got on my Shadow work reprogramming my mental computer like Steve Job's company reprogrammed his dreams.  

Walking away I had no plan I just knew I was head toward some one who would  love me unconditionally not thru the eye of someone else and never truly see me. 

Like Apple in the stocks I wanted to get invested in so I know I had to keep playing to win. 

Changing my mindset looked like... Roadblock- resting spot ,

 issue - learning experience,

 low funds- reevaluate needs vs wants, overwhelmed- over stimulated, 

tired- sleep,

 hungry - eat, 

thirsty- drink, 

uncomfortable- leave, 

don't get it- ask questions. 

I know simple at first, but the world has a thirst for buckling in when it seems to be going good to see if your word to yourself was made of steel or burnable wood.

 My goal is to past every test I'm a nerd and a geek and my mind never sleeps, but I've learned it doesn't always know whats best. So then I have to believe Divine knows best and leave the rest up to fate and keep on striving towards that last gate.