I am sick of this

Wasting my breath. Causing me stress. Deep in me I know that this cannot be. Mine my heart screams, mine my soul cries, only my logic is not swayed and dares to ask why? How have you earned it? You have been the enemy so what the hell do I owe you now? I prayed, I cried, I was alone and thought I would die. I just wanted a shoulder to lean on. I just wanted to be held and feel safe. You took my joy. Cracked my heart. You taught me safety is found anywhere, but with you. I still pray for you but its to stay away. I still wish for you to be happy ,but with anyone but me I still dream of you but its not a dream I want to come true. I am scared of you, don't trust you and truly believe you only want the worst for me.