Realizations

I lay here feeling slightly thwarted but, I realize my emotions weren't sorted. I had blinders on so thing were actually contorted. I saw a chance at blind romance. A moment to not think just dance. I thought it would be safe with you. I thought no pain could accrue instead I find myself into you in a way I couldn't fathom. I feel gutted by this. Is this your method to emotionally Jack the ripper me but,not finish me off? Am I to beg for a smooth death not a stare off til my last death cough? Should I have no dignity and beg for your touch? Why?, you don't care why I love you so much. All you want us my total trust while my heart you bust. Sorry I rather keep my eyes on the prize and ignore the look in your eye. Lust won't keep be chained to you. There are worst lifelines i could've lived thru, ill survive you.I bid you adieu and don't ask for more cuz I really want to tell you to skip the door. See that window make it burst I promise you will get to the bottom first...but, talk like that would end things fast. I rather you watch my growth as I build my future off the past. Thank you, your hate for me is so strong I feel silly for thinking it was love but, it shaped and molded me to withstand and now I can move thru life with no helping hand and still stand. Because of what you wouldn't do I am here standing tall ready to conquer it all.